


you're worth the best of me

by harajukucrepes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Corporate, Hardly any reference of sex sorry this time it's PG, Jaehyun is not a CEO but an Executive, M/M, This is a very realistic portrayal of corporate life so i'm sorry for the jargons and terms, i aged them up so they are in their 30s, it's PG except for one explicit thing and allusions to things people do at night, trigger warning also for destructive thoughts, trigger warning for mentions of awful but real corporate practices, trigger warning for mentions of retrenchments / layoffs / job movements, trigger warning for unhealthy working ethics and unhealthy eating habits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22953316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harajukucrepes/pseuds/harajukucrepes
Summary: It’s nothing particularly profound, but whenever the barista smiles at him as he heads towards his office, he feels like he’s been given an encouraging pat on the back to brave the harsh day ahead.*or, the rather unsexy and unromantic cafe au
Relationships: Allusions to past!Jaehyun/Doyoung, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta, One-sided-ish Johnny/Yuta
Comments: 22
Kudos: 149





	you're worth the best of me

**Author's Note:**

> \- i was hoping to write a simple cafe au but as a person with experiences in corporate jobs this ended up being more realistic and i accidentally made corporate life very unsexy  
> \- i hope this would be clear enough from the prose but the characters are all in the mid-30s, so this is pretty much a tale of Two Very Jaded Adults  
> \- thank you so much i hope i don't bore you with the details but do feel free to ask and point out mistakes no matter how big or small

*

you’re worth the best of me

*

The pretty barista usually wears his plain sleeveless shirt with either a hoodie jacket or a flannel top, but today he has his flannel top wrapped around his waist, revealing a slim body with lean, sinewy arms and Jaehyun finds his eyes involuntarily glued to him more than he usually allows.

The barista sneaks a few glances at Jaehyun as though he’s fully aware that Jaehyun has been staring, so Jaehyun diverts his eyes away towards his wrist watch and starts calculating the estimated time he would arrive at his office. The time is currently 8.15am and he has exactly 15 minutes before the elevators start packing up and inevitably delay him, but it’s yet another day that he decides he would rather mindlessly scroll through The New Yorker’s comics on his tablet this cafe accompanied silently (and unknowingly) by the pretty barista than reaching his office punctually.

He wonders if the barista has figured him out by now—and Jaehyun wouldn’t put it past him to be capable of predicting his work schedules—especially in consideration of his almost clockwork-like patronages of the cafe: coming in around 8am from the Yeouido Transfer Center metro station, ordering a cup of 4-shot single origin coffee (his preferences lean towards the ones from South America) and taking his usual seat around the corner of the cafe with the least exposure to sunlight to avoid fellow co-workers until around 8.30am, then heading towards the cafe exit and bowing quickly at the barista before blending in with similarly-preoccupied corporate workers to start the day. The barista usually waves at him in response to his tiny courtesy bows (though he used to stare at him puzzlingly when Jaehyun started doing it) and Jaehyun treasures this strangely warm gesture as much as he cherishes his daily 30 minutes of chill, peaceful coffee time before the rush begins.

It’s nothing particularly profound, but whenever the barista smiles at him as he heads towards his office, he feels like he’s been given an encouraging pat on the back to brave the harsh day ahead.

*

Before he was introduced to this small, cozy, animated little cafe on the ground floor of the building next to his office tower, Jaehyun used to stick to a regulated routine of reaching the Yeouido Transfer Center station around 8.15am, getting a can of coffee from the vending machine for a quick caffeine boost, brisk-walking to the lobby of his office and patiently waiting for the elevator while politely greeting all the colleagues he might encounter. It wasn’t until that time when their office was hosting the Employee Exchange programme that he got to meet John Suh as his counterpart from their Armonk Headquarters. Being an enthusiastic Seoul adventurer that he was (Jaehyun couldn’t blame him; apparently John’s last visit here was before he entered high school), John was the one who showed Jaehyun this adorably quaint little cafe apparently managed by an allegedly foreign-looking (“For some reason he just doesn’t look like someone from Seoul, you know? But he doesn’t have an obvious accent so I can’t really tell,” John was saying in English) young man whose apparent interests in manga and anime visibly spilled to the cafe’s furniture and decoration and Jaehyun couldn’t understand how did he manage to miss it, especially with the way the ambience of the cafe yells “Akihabara!” in colourful block letters, sticking out like a neon light among the business formal fashion observed by the corporate culture in this particular section of Yeouido.

John had loved Jaq & Gus (to this day, Jaehyun still isn’t sure if John had thought about the name of the cafe seemingly alluding to Disney’s Cinderella and not some obscure anime reference) a lot and insisted that his farewell lunch was to be done there (even though they had to ask for the cafe’s permission to bring in pizza from delivery) and it was from watching John’s conversation with the barista on the day of his farewell that he could confirm a few things:

First, the barista _is_ indeed foreign (he said something about being from Osaka, but Jaehyun didn’t think he heard him right), but the cafe’s owned by a relative and he is just managing it. Second, he really, really does love light novels and manga, and when John told him about the ladies who loved patronising the cafe for a swift escapism during lunch, he beamed so hard that his eyes sparkled (prettily). Third, the barista is John’s age, who’s two years older than Jaehyun, but he’s so youthful and full of life that Jaehyun couldn’t believe he wasn’t in college. Fourth, the cafe _was_ indeed named after Cinderella’s two mice, the barista’s favourite childhood Disney movie, even though Tangled has recently usurped it.

And finally—he’s at least ten times prettier up close.

*

The barista serves him a bottle of vitamin water along with his coffee the next day.

“It’s on the house,” he says, still wearing his flannel top around his hips and points to his mouth to explain the sudden act of generosity, “your lips are cracking.”

Jaehyun immediately eyes himself in the glass wall next to him and the barista’s indeed correct that his lips are dry and he makes a mental note to sneak in a few seconds to apply some lip balm before heading to his office.

“Thanks,” he says, quite a little loss at the sudden direct interaction.

The barista’s smile is blindingly radiant. “I feel you though. I get sick easily during the summer, that’s why I can tell.”

Oh, fuck, Jaehyun thinks, finally understanding why the barista chose to wear his flannel differently these days.

*

By the time the conference call ends (pretty badly) and the local debriefing session concludes, Jaehyun realises that he no longer has enough energy to power through his usual 3-hour workout at the gym for the night. He decides to be a little kinder to himself and get some rare reward for the hard, emotional labour at work of the day, so he calls a cab while scrolling the internet to find where to go in Itaewon for dinner and some beer—then he spots a faint light coming from the corner of the street where Cafe Jaq & Gus is.

“Excuse me,” he prompts a man next to him who’s waiting for his turn at the cab stand, “please take this.”

For some reason, he has a feeling that Cafe Jaq & Gus is still open.

*

His gut feeling was right—there’s still an hour before Cafe Jaq & Gus closes.

“I’m shocked you never knew what time we close,” the barista laughs as he serves him a mug of hot lemon earl grey on the coffee counter. He’s the only one in the cafe right now other than a couple sitting at his usual morning corner looking like they are in a serious relationship discussion.

“I usually shower in the gym after working out and go straight home, plus the gym is two stations away from the office so that’s why I’m hardly in this area after working hours,” Jaehyun explains, finding it surprisingly easy to start a conversation with the barista. Despite coming in almost everyday, Jaehyun hasn’t really talked to him after John’s farewell lunch, and that was almost two quarters ago.

The barista is obviously a lot more relaxed than he was in the morning, even though he looked like he was getting ready to close when Jaehyun arrived a while ago.

“People here work late, so I have to extend my business hours to 11.30pm,” he explains while handing him some biscotti on a saucer. “Not like there will be a lot of customers coming in after dinner, but the ones who come in are usually desperate for something comforting for working so late.”

Jaehyun fiddles with the mug handle. “Do I fall into that category to you?”

“Right now? A little. But it might just be heat fatigue.”

Jaehyun suddenly remembers something. “Thanks for the vitamin water by the way,” he says, even though in reality he thinks he must have forgotten to finish it after getting caught in back-to-back meetings.

“Now that you know what time we close here, feel free to pop by in case you need something warm before going home.”

Jaehyun smiles at him, grateful that this encounter seems to be far less awkward than he has imagined.

“I’d like that offer.”

As he takes the last train back home, Jaehyun thinks about the way his rigid routines have been broken twice in less than half a year and both have something to do with Cafe Jaq & Gus: first was after knowing its existence and second is right now, after knowing that the pretty man barista he has been having some kind of crush on is named Yuta.

*

Cafe Jaq & Gus is barely 100 meters away from his office building, but the difference is clear: in his office he’s a rapidly-rising Senior Executive, responsible for owning ten process controls within Finance Operations and a department of 40 employees along with 3 squad leaders but in the cafe, he’s just another one of Yuta’s customers who derives energy from the coffee he expertly brews and beginning quite recently, a surprisingly close friendship.

Jaehyun is surprised at how compatible he is with Yuta despite their almost mutually exclusive lifestyles, considering that they wouldn’t even have crossed paths if not for an unfathomable reason that Yuta’s cousin had for opening an Akihabara-styled cafe right in the middle of the Yeouido corporate district. Even if they do have areas of converging interests, they don’t intersect completely: Jaehyun used to play basketball, Yuta used to play soccer; Jaehyun reads history, biographies, world affairs, economics and sometimes literary criticism while Yuta reads manga, light novels, crime and mystery novels, self-help, psychology, sometimes sociology; Jaehyun listens to a lot of R&B and recently takes an interest in motown jazz, Yuta is still upset about Nico Touches the Wall disbanding and loves Bump of Chicken; Jaehyun works out after office hours at night, Yuta wakes up early in the morning to run and takes afternoon nap breaks so that he can have enough energy work until it’s time to close the cafe at night.

Yet, no matter what the topic on hand is, Yuta has a way of making conversations that could make opinionated differences a point of interest rather than a point of contention and it just feels so _good_ to be talking to him somewhat. Whenever he feels flattered by the attention, Jaehyun reminds himself that Yuta has probably mastered the art of conversation the way he himself has mastered the art of negotiation—some forms of occupational hazard they both absorbed as their life skills. Regardless, Jaehyun allows himself this small emotional indulgence because there’s just something about the way Yuta smiles during their conversation that tugs at his heartstring and it makes Jaehyun feel like someone is interested in him as a person and not because of his corporate position.

Other times, Jaehyun thinks that maybe it’s just really nice to be able to bond with someone whose intelligence is expressed so liberally, because for once, he is finding himself not being burdened with an expectation to pretend like he cares about other people’s feelings or well-being; also perhaps it’s because Yuta doesn’t seem to mind it when Jaehyun airs his grievances about office politics or corporate policies or management directions (he is, at least, careful in being vague about specifics), because he says that it helps him to understand his customers.

Mostly, Jaehyun concludes, it’s because Yuta turns out to be the most intelligent person he has ever encountered—and he has been spending his entire life interacting with some of the most highly-educated people in the society.

“This district has this really specific niche brand of diversity,” Yuta says, referring to the variable amount of expats or corporate visitors frequently seen around. “Like there’s something really inhibited about the way you guys go about being liberal. Everyone’s free to be anybody, like nobody cares if you were a queer or whatever, as long as you look good in a blazer and a pair of slacks or in the case of the ladies, those really tight pencil skirts, and can regurgitate buzzwords and professional-sounding ambiguous sentences that barely stir up emotions.”

Jaehyun can’t help but smirk at the astute observation. “Come to think of, we are no different than actors, aren’t we?”

Yuta nods with a small shrug. “I noticed, and It fascinates me.”

 _So do you_ , Jaehyun wants to say. _You fascinate me too._

*

John hits him up on Skype the moment he turns on his laptop.

 _Bro, this call I’m attending is so boring it’s taking me OUT_. He writes.

When Jaehyun had first heard about John being a part of the Global Innovation Project team, he expressed to his boss that he would like to be a part as well but was turned down because the team here in Seoul still requires his presence in preparation for an upcoming audit.

 _Wish I get to be bored as well, it’s so stressful here with everyone panicking over something that hasn’t been officially announced yet._ Jaehyun replies.

John sends him a sleeping emoticon. _And I wish I get to be back in Seoul, it was so exciting back then with you and everyone._

 _Dude you must be joking,_ Jaehyun cackles as he writes. _Everything is so rigid here, you even said it yourself, didn’t you?_

The Skype status bar shows John to be typing and he appears to be typing for quite a while when one of Jaehyun’s reportee approaches him for a quick status update on the stand-up meeting he just finished with the Business Controls team.

When he returns to his seat and unlocks his laptop, the Skype screen still shows John to be typing, but the messages seem to have gone to his phone’s Kakaotalk app.

_Asking here because I don’t want anyone snitching on the company network, but is that pretty ponytail guy still working at the J &G? _

Jaehyun assumes that J&G stands for Cafe Jaq & Gus. _You mean the cafe we went to for your farewell lunch? Yeah, he’s still there._

_You know, when I said Seoul was more exciting than NY, it was because I got to see him, you know?_

Jaehyun isn’t sure what to feel about the revelation that John has been fancying the man he’s been infatuated with for far longer than he has.

*

Jaehyun stops by the cafe after cutting his gym session short because his thighs are sore from pilates the day before. Yuta is standing behind the cash register and entertaining a very attractive young woman in her 20s who seems to be very aware of her own attractiveness and is doing her all to make sure that Yuta notices it. Yuta winks at Jaehyun when their eyes meet, a signal to say that he’ll get his mug of peppermint tea ready for him shortly.

The woman continues to chat with Yuta while Jaehyun takes small steps towards his usual corner to settle himself until she receives a notification that her Uber has arrived, but not before turning back and tucking her hair behind her ear with Yuta acknowledging her departure with a tiny wave.

“Do you get that a lot?” Jaehyun asks when Yuta sends his tea over and sits on the chair opposite him.

Yuta gives him a quizzical look before chuckling. “Customers flirting with me? Yeah.”

“I see.” Jaehyun says as he rises up slightly to reach his mug.

Yuta touches his wrist with a pinky and locks Jaehyun’s eyes on his face. “She’s married, by the way. The lady just now.”

Jaehyun takes his mug and breaks the eye contact. “That’s none of my business.”

Except it kind of is, but he’s not about to let Yuta know yet.

Yuta grins mischievously. “I just thought you would like to know.”

“Not really, unless you think something long term is going to happen.”

“I wish something long term could happen with a lovely, smart woman like her,” Yuta sighs, still eyeing Jaehyun’s face carefully. “It’s just that I’m—you know what they say—not really made for that.”

Yuta looks at Jaehyun with such discreet prudence that Jaehyun gulps anxiously upon realising that he isn’t talking about a commitment issue.

*

Jaehyun tells people that he works out at the gym regularly because he craves the high that the adrenaline gives, but the reality is that he does it a lot because it helps him sleep—because after all, a tired body turns off the nervous mind, but a tired mind stays woefully awake. He used to get anxious whenever work gets in the way of his gym schedules because he’d never get any good sleep with work thoughts seeping into his subconscious, but now that he gets to talk to Yuta before ending the day almost on a daily basis, bedtime becomes a little different.

Yuta lets Jaehyun come in to his shop no matter how late, even if he’s cleaning up (Yuta, however, never accepts Jaehyun’s offers to help), and talk about the highs and lows of the day and in return Yuta tells him some gossip about who have been appearing suspiciously in this shop during very odd hours, and sometimes they laugh together about some new internet memes.

While their time together in the cafe is mostly casual and innocuous, their time together in Jaehyun’s dream isn’t. Instead of forcing his mind to shut down immediately after setting his alarm before readying to sleep, he lets his thoughts stray for a little while towards Yuta and his lovely, welcoming smile; Yuta and the various scents of the tea he would brew for him; Yuta and the revitalising smell of the cup of Americano he makes for him; Yuta and his beautiful eyes sparkling as they exchange music or reading recommendations, and sometimes, just Yuta.

There have been times when he wakes up with a wet spot in his boxers near his crotch and he knows that his thoughts have strayed too far, much too far. It strayed so far that he wonders if Yuta could tell because it’s always hard to meet his eyes after dreaming about him that way, especially when Jaehyun watches him smile brightly at a customer and yet all he can think about is his erection in Yuta’s mouth and the cum that drips from the corner of his lips.

*

Yuta sounds royally disappointed when Jaehyun tells him that the next 2 months of internal audit will be hell for him and he’ll be mostly stuck in his office from sunrise to past midnight until the whole ordeal is over.

“It’s going to be so weird not seeing you around much—it feels like a sudden breakup, you know? Like announcing you have to move overseas or something like that,” he jokes, but Jaehyun knows exactly what he means.

“If it has to be anything, it would be _taking a break from each other_ ,” Jaehyun chides him in jest. He’s going to really miss meeting Yuta regularly, because between their deep, sometimes nihilistic discussions and their playful, cheeky banters, Yuta has become some kind of sanity compass for him.

“But seriously,” Yuta says, grabbing Jaehyun’s arm before they part ways after closing the cafe. “I know you’re good enough at your job that it’s going to be nothing for you, but I’ve heard enough from so many other people about how awful things can be.”

Jaehyun finds himself softening up at the sight of Yuta’s worried eyes, but it doesn’t explain why he proceeds to bend lower and pull Yuta’s face close to his, then press their foreheads together.

“Thank you,” he says, as Yuta looks like he’s about to ask if he’s out of his mind.

“For what,” Yuta asks, his voice trembling.

“You know what for,” Jaehyun answers, holding back the real answer so that he’ll always have this to look forward to as a reward for completing this not-so-big yet possibly-consequential thing in his career.

*

Even John is sending him good luck messages through Kakaotalk.

_Corresponded with the Audit Team Lead before. Adrian seems like an uptight bitch._

Jaehyun writes back to thank him and attaches a picture of Yuta that he took a few days ago (at Yuta’s suggestion, he had laughed heartily at the thought of John being interested in him), prompting John to send him stickers of characters giving him middle fingers.

*

Jaehyun has to reach his office earlier for the next few months starting from now, so Yuta prepares his coffee before he drops by and picks it up then heads straight to the lobby elevator without even getting the chance to exchange anything other than a quick eye contact. He makes it a habit, however, to update him on Kakaotalk in the simplest way possible and only includes corporate jargons he has mentioned and explained before.

_The audit universe’s all ok, at least I think it is. Boss isn’t not ready to declare that no major issue has been detected until the focals comb through all the documents before submitting._

Jaehyun can only assume that Yuta understands (even though Jaehyun wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t), because Yuta replies with a thumbs up and an emoticon sticker with a man wearing a headband with “success!” written on it in Japanese.

*

No matter how long the discussion takes, whenever the clock strikes 11.30pm, Jaehyun will lean back in his chair and hang his head backwards in a thinking pose so that he can see outside the window towards the direction where Cafe Jaq & Gus is and watch for a sign of lights flickering off while pretending to be deep in thought.

It’s not like he could _really see_ anyway, but whenever he sees a dimming light from the street where the cafe is that coincides with the timing of a text message from Yuta to let him know that he’s done for the day, he gets to pretend that he’s with him down there with him holding his backpack as he locks the cafe front door instead of up here in the building pretending that lengthy confinement inside the so-called war room increases the quality of their productivity.

*

He wakes up late on the day of the audit kick-off and apologises to Yuta because he has to take a cab to be able to arrive on time and therefore, can’t pick up the coffee.

 _That’s alright,_ he replies. _Would you like me to pass it to any of your colleagues?_

 _It’s ok,_ he answers. _I’ll manage._

He regrets saying this not too long after because he, in fact, really can’t manage without the trustworthy caffeine boost from Yuta’s coffee and the evidence of it is clear in the way he keeps having to pinch himself to stay alert while forcing himself to focus throughout the meetings and having extended breaks in the pantry for the emergency caffeine uptake.

He’ll have to really wake up early tomorrow, he swears, because the hours drag on dreadfully slow without the support from his favourite coffee.

*

He barely manages to reach Cafe Jaq & Gus at 8.00am the next day.

“Really,” Yuta insists, “I’ll find a way to have it delivered to you if you can’t make it. You don’t have to rush.”

Jaehyun puts some ice in his cup to cool down the scorching hot coffee and drinks half the cup in less than 3 gulps. “I’ll manage,” he says, dashing towards the office building without turning back to look at Yuta.

*

He excuses himself during tea time to get a much needed break in a secure phone booth because his head wouldn’t stop hurting and when he returns to his work station, a freshly brewed cup of 4-shot Americano appears on his table.

“The manga cafe said you ordered it via phone,” says Yeonhee, a junior colleague.

It doesn’t really stop the headache, Jaehyun feels as he drinks, but at least it’s starting to halt his rapid descent towards madness.

*

There’s a heated debate between his boss, some of his peers and the audit focal about the financial impact exposure from an unintended lapse in one of the controls monitoring measures happening in front of him, but all Jaehyun can think about is what he should tell Yuta in response to his usual update about having closed the cafe and finally getting to call it a day.

He settles with saying _thanks for sending the coffee over, I really miss going to the cafe :(_ to him, because what is shame, what is constraint, really, when nobody who’s currently around him cares about respecting other people’s time.

*

Jaehyun only receives a reply when he collapses to his sofa (his bed is currently very messy and full of dried laundry).

_I miss you coming over too, hope everything is still working well._

Jaehyun only has a few hours to sleep, but he badly needs to let something out, so he continues the conversation.

_I don’t know, this is just the start of it. The days ahead will be terrible as well._

Jaehyun is immediately reminded that Yuta sleeps early and wonders if he should feel bad about keeping him up at night.

 _Since it’s going to be endless, maybe you should take your time and come stop by more often, you know what they say about taking things slow._ Yuta replies, punctuating it with multiple grinning face emojis at the end of his message, as though he’s trying to sound as optimistic as possible.

His chest is a little heavy and his first instinct is to complain to Yuta about everything like he used to do before the audit period hits, but his head is spinning so much that his eyes couldn’t help but tear up slightly.

_I don’t know if I can afford to._

_It’s ...not about the money, right?_ Yuta writes, probably because he’s noticing the change in the mood of the conversation.

 _It’s not,_ Jaehyun inhales. _It’s just that I’m being made to feel like I’m not supposed to take things easy from here on._

Yuta takes his time to type, but Jaehyun knows he’s carefully deliberating his next words and when they finally appear, he knows that Yuta’s ready to listen.

_What really happened?_

Jaehyun willfully shuts his brain and lets his heart do the typing:

_I think I'm going to be scapegoated._

*

It’s Friday and Jaehyun wishes that he’s the kind who calls in sick whenever he doesn’t feel like he could muster enough mental and physical energy go through just one more day before the weekend (presumably, because his colleagues seem to operate under the concept that says if there’s a free time that could be used, it shall be used, weekend or not).

Jaehyun tried convincing himself the night before after he texted Yuta that this temporary deviation from his preferred regular schedule (especially the one he established after befriending Yuta) is supposed to be just that, a thing that is meant to end. It’s just two months, he hears in his boss’ voice. Two months of coming together to make this closed as soon as possible, two months and the auditors will leave we’ll go back to our normal schedules, let’s take a small break after this, let’s make this work.

Yet, two months is all it takes for years of repressed corporate derangement to overwhelm their professional benevolence, then it’s every man for himself and whoever falls the softest gets the hardest blow—therefore, being a handsome, single man from a reputable family with hardly any significant financial commitments means that Jaehyun has the least to lose.

Nobody says it but everybody is apparently magically supposed to just know that Jaehyun is to take it in stride because it’s the least damaging path for the greater good of his team, his organisation, and most of all, himself.

Allegedly.

It’s ten minutes after his usually scheduled morning shower and his head still has that spinning vortex drilling a hole into his mind and binding his body to the gravitational pull of the earth. It feels a little like hearing his body cry if it could and since it’s Friday, he reasons, surely his team would understand and allow him just one day to tame his misbehaving head?

Then his phone buzzes with a message from Yuta.

_Sorry for keeping you up late yesterday, don’t worry about the coffee in case you get here late, I’ll wink at Yeonhee-ssi later into helping to send it over._

Jaehyun feels his lips slowly curving up into a faint smile. He has got to get up now, he thinks, because it’s time to smell the coffee.

*

He only texts Yuta back on the way to work in the cab, downing two painkillers as the car proceeds along the Hangang freeway.

_Am indeed late today, how did you even know?_

Yuta takes some time to reply, probably because of the morning rush.

_Just a gut feeling. By the way, it’s Changbin-ssi and not Yeonhee-ssi today, hope you wouldn’t mind him sending it over to your desk. I’ve heard that he seems to have a slight vendetta against you for some reason._

Jaehyun can’t suppress his anticipation despite knowing that it’s his least favourite colleague delivering his coffee, especially because he’s feeling his headache subsiding very slightly, a sure sign that the fog of agony inside him is clearing itself.

_I don’t mind. It doesn’t change the fact that you made the coffee._

Yuta takes some time to reply back and by the time his answer arrives, Jaehyun is just getting ready for the morning status meeting after barely making it to his office on time.

_I’m glad that you seem to be in better spirits._

Jaehyun recognises the conspicuous diversion tactic but he tries to think nothing of it.

*

It’s almost lunch hour and the third consecutive hour of brainstorming to present a better argument to shut the auditors’ concern before it gets nailed into the final audit report and Jaehyun doesn’t feel like telling everyone currently stuck in the room that 1) ideas don’t come out from self-inflicted isolations, 2) longer meetings don’t produce better quality ideas, 3) it’s his sixth painkiller pill of the day and his headache isn’t getting better.

Jaehyun focuses all his energy into mentally analysing his calendar for the next working week after the weekend: there are 2 working days before the draft audit report is scheduled to be released to his boss for review, 4 working days to come up with an action plan agreed with his reportees and his boss, 5 working days before the meeting with the HQ leadership in New York; they are all work to be done next week and there are 4 hours after the lunch hour before the weekend starts and he knows that hours will pass quickly if he remembers that he can always find Yuta after office hours and complain to him over a cup of hot, comforting tea.

But every part of his body is failing him: his heart isn’t beating regularly, his stomach doesn’t want food despite having eaten nothing for the past 24 hours or so, his throat has his words chained inside, his head is starting to spin again and his brain feels like it’s suffocating itself. He heads back to his usual secure phone booth to lock himself as he collapses his head to his arm and finds a way to stop the tears of stress from oozing out from his eyes.

It’s just work, he reminds himself. It’s not supposed to literally feel like his life is being forcefully taken from him.

He’s young and single and capable, he can rebuild himself back up, he can, he definitely can, Jaehyun thinks before he closes his eyes.

Maybe some part of him just wants someone else— _anybody, just fucking anybody_ —to tell him the same, because it really doesn’t matter what he thinks if everyone around him considers this one single mishap a matter of life and death.

*

He’s awakened from his nap 30 minutes later from a buzz from his pocket. It’s a message from Yuta.

_Everything ok? Yeonhee said she saw you briefly this morning, and apparently you were looking like death was taking you for a trip._

Jaehyun deliberates his reply.

_She’s right. I feel like shit. But the day is going to be over soon._

It’s just 4 more hours after lunch break. Just 4. He can do this.

_Are you eating?_

_Will eat later at your place,_ Jaehyun types mindlessly.

_Do you need anymore coffee?_

Yuta’s line of questioning seems to be opening a floodgate inside his mind, because his palpable desperation is now refusing to work with his mental filter as he types into his phone frantically.

_Frankly, I need a fucking break. My head needs a fucking break. I need to get away from here. I need to not think about work for a while. Maybe I need to close my eyes and never wake up again._

He watches as his barrages of messages go through as his body finally gives up and breaks into silent sobs, his mind alternating between feeling horrible for subjecting Yuta to his most vulnerable thoughts while hoping that he would understand and lend him a shoulder or a chest to lean on. He tries not to think about the possibility of Yuta thinking less of him and the possibility of their friendship fracturing over this.

He also tries not to think the way he has noticed that his life started crumbling down the moment he started seeing less of Yuta and brushes away the discovery that he has been more than missing him terribly.

Yuta’s reply is unexpected—but very much what Jaehyun needs.

_Ditch the rest of the day and come over, I have a room here for staff only that you can use. It’s just a couch though, but I hope it’s good for you._

The message works like magic, because he immediately leaves a message to his boss and his reportees telling them that his head is absolutely tearing his body apart with an unbearable throbbing pain and he needs to go to the clinic to get some proper medical consultation before he breaks the painkiller limit.

*

It must be a new part-time barista whom Yuta just hired that he sees when he enters Cafe Jaq & Gus because Jaehyun has never seen her before.

“Boss is having a discussion with our supplier, so he asked me to take you inside,” she says.

Jaehyun takes a quick scan of the whole cafe, currently relaxed in its off-peak hours after lunch, and sees Yuta in a deep conversation over a pile of documents and catalogues, so he nods to the new barista and follows her into the tiny room next to the washroom, taking a stealthy glance at Yuta before he enters and realising that this is probably the first time he’s seeing him not working behind the kitchen counter.

The room is very well-ventilated despite the size—he’s suddenly reminded of all the times Yuta alluded to taking power naps in his cafe—and quite cozy as well. It’s as minimalistic as it can be, with only a couch overseeing an air vent and a window with one-way mirror and a cabinet storing some bags and personal belongings and a desk with extension sockets. He places his laptop briefcase next to the couch and settles on it while removing his tie and unfastens the top few buttons of his shirt.

It’s not a luxury, Jaehyun thinks, but comfort takes many forms and at this moment, at this time, this is exactly what he needs.

*

His phone tells him that it’s past sundown by the time he wakes up, so he’s been sleeping for 4 hours plus.

His head takes a light spin for a few seconds as he recalls the details of his whereabouts—even the day and the date—and by the time he settles back up, it finally sinks in that he has a few more hours before the Friday night is over and that he has no plan whatsoever on what he should be doing.

He goes to the washroom to freshen himself and Yuta greets him from the kitchen counter.

“That’s a mighty long time for an afternoon nap,” he says over the drip coffee he’s making.

Jaehyun suddenly realises that his headache is gone. “I must have been really exhausted.”

“Great,” Yuta continues, “death seems to finally have left you.”

“Did I really look that awful just now?”

“You were looking a lot gaunter than I thought,” he says, “and a lot skinnier.”

Jaehyun tries to think of the last time he has had a proper, wholesome meal. “Yea, things have been rough.”

“That is, I’m sure, a pretty big understatement,” Yuta says as he pours the drip coffee into a cup and pulls a stool next to him behind the counter. “Here, have one.”

Jaehyun accepts the invitation and as he lifts the fresh cup of coffee to his nose, he takes his time inhaling the sweet scent while eyeing Yuta intently to see him properly after almost two months of scarce interaction. The immediate observation is that that his hair is longer now because what used to be just a tiny little hair-tail is now as a full-fledged ponytail and his bangs are now completely tucked behind his ear. His flannel shirt has left the waist (understandable, since autumn is ending soon) and is now back to being worn on top of his shirt and Jaehyun realises that he can appreciate his features better in this proximity.

Yuta, feeling Jaehyun’s gaze on him, turns around to meet his eyes and slowly breaks into a soft smile. “What?”

Jaehyun swallows his saliva to stop himself from gushing out some unwanted compliments. “Thanks a lot,” he says, carefully enunciating each syllable.

“Really,” Yuta’s lop-sided grin is really, really attractive, “that’s all you have to say?”

“But I really do want to thank you.”

“For?”

“A lot of things. Like listening to me complain, for example.”

“That’s all?” Yuta grins wider.

“And teaching me how to ditch work.”

“You’ve never done that before?”

“Why would I?” Jaehyun laughs.

“I just thought you should.”

“Why?”

Yuta laughs like Jaehyun has just asked the most incredulous question ever. “You should try reading your own messages and tell me you won’t worry after that.”

Jaehyun moves to touch his arm to get his attention to something he really wants him to know. “Look, I’m serious. _Thank you_.”

Yuta’s grin fades, his expression tenses up as he inhales. “I hope I didn’t annoy you or anything.”

“Quite the opposite, actually. You have no idea how much difference you made,” Jaehyun tells him in a tone that he hopes conveys his gratitude without showing too much of his attraction towards him.

“Glad to hear that.”

“It makes me feel very much taken care of, you know?”

Then the automatic door opens as the part-time girl thanks the customers who are leaving the cafe and Yuta seems to notice that other than his part-time barista and a few customers sitting at the corner, they are pretty much alone and Jaehyun is suddenly very, very aware of the implications of their physical proximity. Yuta seems to have taken the hint, because he leans further against the counter and positions himself close enough to Jaehyun that he’s touching Jaehyun’s knees with his palms.

“What if I tell you that my intentions weren’t that innocuous,” he says, his voice peppers with just a tiny hint of flirtation.

“What do you mean,” Jaehyun replies, his stomach tightening with a kind of excitement he hasn’t felt in a long time.

“I did worry about you and wanted to take care of you, if you would like to call it that, but,” Yuta suddenly stares at the ground next to Jaehyun, “most of all, I think I was trying to make _me_ feel better.”

Jaehyun puts down his cup and takes both of Yuta’s hands to play with his knuckles. “So you mean to say that me feeling better equals to you feeling good about yourself.”

Yuta tries to suppress an anxious giggle but Jaehyun knows exactly what this is—that Yuta has missed him just as much as he does and them missing each other has set them both in a situation that they are now seeing each other as some kind of familiar strangers: familiar because Jaehyun is sure that Yuta knows more about him that any of his acquaintances; and strange because he has been so divorced from romantic experiences that it’s hard to acknowledge that he has been correct in deciphering Yuta’s interest in him to be a form of courtship.

On any other day, just basing it off his past experiences, Jaehyun thinks that he should be more courteous in his approach but now he senses some form of yearning swelling up inside him that nudged him into taking Yuta’s hand and he debates whether to hold it to his cheek and kiss it lightly—but decides against it after seeing Yuta visibly having trouble meeting his glances.

He shouldn’t be letting his people-reading skills interfere, but he’s finally seeing something in his life taking the right course and he’s not about to let this chance slip right under his nose.

“Would you like to go a little further, then?”

Yuta’s eyes quiver a little. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

 _Except you do_ , Jaehyun thinks, but he tries his hand in explaining anyway. “I mean, if making me feel better makes you feel better, then maybe we could do a little more than this.”

“So, what are you proposing?” Yuta asks and Jaehyun immediately takes this chance to touch his face gently.

“Come have a date with me.”

Jaehyun supposes that he should warn himself for moving in so quickly but he knows that he has this within the grasp of his palm—the delirious sensation from experiencing any form of accomplishment can get rather addictive.

Then Yuta inches closer and whispers into his ear.

“You’re very bold.”

The soft but seductive timbre of Yuta’s voice reverberates under his skin and suddenly, Jaehyun thinks, nothing else matters.

*

Yuta says that he hasn’t done much outdoor activities lately, so he suggests that they go cycling at the Gangnam River. He initially resisted having Jaehyun pick him up from Yeouido (the cafe opens half-day on Saturdays), but couldn’t say no after Jaehyun offered him the opportunity to be the car DJ for the day.

“You might not know a lot of anime,” Yuta says as he settles down in the passenger seat after getting in the car and scrolls through his Melon playlist, “but even you would know this.”

He turns to look at Yuta’s mischievous smirk at the traffic light because the music only needs to play for one second for Jaehyun to get it.

“Who doesn’t know this? It’s Sailor Moon!”

“Yes, exactly!”

“So you do know anime!”

“But it’s Sailor Moon! Nobody goes around existing without knowing Sailor Moon.”

Yuta laughs heartily and Jaehyun finds himself laughing along, wondering when exactly in his life that he started depriving himself of pure, unadulterated fun.

*

By the time they get to their bicycles, the so-called date has become more of a playdate because Yuta is quite possibly the most easily excitable person Jaehyun has ever met.

He gets so excited at the monkey bars that he climbs and jumps over it with his entire body (“Are you sure you don’t want to try?” he asks, and Jaehyun declines because he has done enough of stuff like that during his army service); he gets so excited at the side of the riverbank that overlooks a bridge positioned just right to have the shining sun behind and stays for a while to take pictures; he gets so excited at seeing a pair of African-American children that he stops by to have tiny conversations in English (and seems really competent at holding one, even if not at the level of being able to do things like handling global projects and stuff—but Jaehyun stops himself before he goes further in attempting to mentally assimilating Yuta into his office environment); he gets so excited seeing the bicycle rental shack that he sings and skips his way into renting a two-person bicycle.

“”Have you ever tried this before?” Yuta asks.

“I’ll be honest, I haven’t cycled outside my gym after getting out of the army service,” Jaehyun answers.

Yuta fastens his helmet and hands Jaehyun his. “Can’t relate, though I’ve heard horror stories about it. Tell me some stories if you feel like it.”

In Jaehyun’s honest assessment, his worst days in the army were nothing compared to his current corporate meltdown and he supposes he could perhaps take some time to read the diary he used to write during his service before packaging them in anecdotes he can tell Yuta over their usual cups of single-origin coffee.

For now though, he wants to enjoy his date.

*

After cycling, Yuta wants to go back to the bridge where they took the photos a while ago to watch the sunset.

“You are so surprisingly romantic,” Jaehyun remarks before the oddity of it sinks in.

“What,” Yuta says. “I usually hear the opposite.”

He’s actually right, Jaehyun thinks, because Yuta’s cafe brings about some elements of mysticism to the boring, pristine Yeouido that almost seems magical, especially with the way he keeps accidentally overhearing the ladies in his office plot of ways to impress the “handsome Japanese barista” and discuss about which Japanese celebrity or anime character he resembles. To them, Yuta carries with him a romantic quality that is not just unthinkable in the dull, serious and materialistic community, but also so distinctively unattainable for the ambitious workers roaming around in Yeouido.

To them, Jaehun observes, Yuta probably feels like a fantasy and as much as Jaehyun hates to admit it, he understands the sentiment completely.

To _him_ though, Yuta is just as grounded as the people he know and strangely enough, the thought of Yuta being somewhat otherworldly hardly ever crosses his mind—probably because Yuta has granted him access to this thoughts and his beliefs but what he’s currently seeing is threatening to change everything he knows about him.

Especially now that Yuta’s bathing in the orange sunset rays that illuminates his beautiful features so much that Jaehyun wants to touch him to make sure that he isn’t a figment of his imagination, that everything is real even if everything doesn’t seem like it could be.

This date at the Gangnam River is real; this pretty man he’s taking out is real; this mixture of admiration and adoration welling up inside him is real; and most of all, romance is real and possible, even for someone as disillusioned as him.

“This is the best day ever,” Yuta sighs as he lowers himself to the grass—and Jaehyun seizes this perfect opportunity to kiss him.

*

Jaehyun offers to walk Yuta back to his apartment building from the parking lot.

“It’s not even late,” Yuta says, still slightly flustered even after dinner.

Jaehyun takes his hand anyway. “You know what they say about a date that goes so well that you wouldn’t want it to end. So, indulge me just this once more?”

Yuta silently agrees but doesn’t speak much. Jaehyun eyes him in an attempt to figure out if he was moving too fast and too sudden or if Yuta hasn’t really intended for them to go beyond “just hanging out”.

Jaehyun doesn’t like uncertainties, so he decides to clarify. “Am I moving too fast?”

“Moving?”

“I mean, if I should have only kissed you after a few more dates.”

“No,” Yuta answers. “I liked that.”

 _Really? You did?_ Jaehyun doubts that he actually really likes it, because Yuta was so shocked that he rose up and almost pushed him away and yet, for some reason, he gets the feeling that Yuta didn’t completely hate being kissed like that.

Jaehyun tugs on Yuta arm once they get to the foot of the building. “Thanks a lot for today,” he says, meaning every word, “I really had a lot of fun. Really.”

Yuta looks like someone has just jerked him off his thoughts. “I hope you didn’t mind that it wasn’t really romantic, as far as dates should go.”

“It’s _different_ , at least,” Jaehyun says as he pulls Yuta into a quick hug, “but it was fun, we should go again if you’re alright with it.”

Then Yuta wraps his hands around Jaehyun's neck, wets his lips, looks at him expectedly, and Jaehyun is momentarily thrown off by this mixed message he’s sending out. In all situations that he has encountered, this action would always mean that Yuta wants another kiss, a deeper one at that, and it would be a piece of cake if Jaehyun hasn’t been bothered by whether Yuta actually likes him enough to do this with him.

So he puts his all into this one gamble and takes a long, deep breath, then places his hands on Yuta’s hips and bends down slowly as Yuta closes his eyes.

*

Some time after he got his MBA from Columbia Business School, around the time when he started polishing his resume to be ready for the job market, Jaehyun noticed that his life has revolved around the accumulation of achievements.

He hadn’t meant it that way and neither did his parents—so many of his friends around the world when he was in Columbia would ask him whether his parents were like the many strict, academic-obsessed South Korean parents they heard about in the media and Jaehyun had to brush them away with a laugh—but growing up with an extended family of successful people meant that he knew no path to conventionally-defined success other than academia, national-level sports and arts or business.

His collection started with his near-perfect test scores, admirable academic rankings at school, medals from sports tournaments, trophies from music competitions; then moving on to being recruited into the Armed Forces and appointed as a squad leader before being awarded as one of the best recruits in his division; then being accepted into Korea University Business School and later Columbia; and finally, being headhunted into a Fortune 500 company, getting into mid-level management within a year, and now, a Senior Executive not even ten years out into the workforce.

His life has been as close to charmingly perfect as a life could be—minus the sorry deficiency in the romantic department—and the trajectory was supposed to leave him with a fulfilling life with anecdotes from all the distinguished people he had come into contact with and stories from all the places he had been.

Nowhere at any point in his life could have brought him to this place right now, kissing the most beautiful man he has ever seen and slowly drinking in the marvel of the epiphany that he has fallen in love with a person who has been deconstructing the “chronic achievement collectors” like him.

*

Jaehyun hasn’t been this intimate with another person in a long, long time. Not physically, not emotionally.

He doesn’t even remember how his last relationship _really_ ended—did it end when she said she couldn’t handle Jaehyun’s workaholic tendencies, or did it end when she moved out and broke off their engagement—and doesn’t remember how it should feel when he has someone like that but Yuta feels so warm, so _alive_ in his arms that he overwhelms Jaehyun with the way his body reacts to him.

His chest hears the drumming of Yuta’s heartbeat, his shoulder carries the weight of his head and his hands trace the curves of his back.

“You shouldn’t have kissed me,” Jaehyun hears Yuta say over the deafening sound of his own pounding heart. “You really shouldn’t have kissed me like that.”

Yuta’s so easy to figure out, he really is. “But I want to.”

“I’m going to start _expecting_.”

“That’s fine,” Jaehyun whispers as he nibbles at his ear softly with his lips.

“You’re going to think I’m desperate.”

 _That's both of us_. “And here I was thinking that you might find me a little sleazy.”

Yuta nuzzles closer. “I might get needy.”

“I would like that.”

“I might get really clingy.”

“I’m ok with that,” Jaehyun says, tightening his hold around Yuta. Of all the ten kinds of possible reactions he was expecting, he hasn’t taken into account the prospect that Yuta might have wanted this as bad as he does and Jaehyun feels his body starting to memorise the vibration of Yuta’s soft, cooing voice so that he can hear it over and over again in his dreams.

“You’re going to be all I think about,” Yuta says with a gentle tinge of finality, as though he’s delivering the last question in his list of questions to test Jaehyun with and in it, comes a very small trace of surrender.

So Jaehyun takes a deep breath and deliberates for a while before telling him something he hopes conveys a succinct summary of what he has been feeling for Yuta ever since he saw him on the afternoon of John’s farewell lunch.

“There’s nothing I currently want more than you thinking of me all the time.”

*

Jaehyun wakes up on Sunday morning wishing he could freeze the weekend, not just because he’s been dreading going back to his office but because he hasn’t gotten over his wonderful date the evening before and as much as he doesn’t feel like admitting it, there’s just something about Yuta’s reluctance to part with him that got him to stop feeling like everything he touches turns to shit.

He thinks he can name the feeling now, because it’s a feeling familiar to him, but not because he had felt it with his previous girlfriends or his ex-fiancée, but because it reminds him of the certain kind of euphoria he felt whenever he managed to collect yet another achievement.

Yet, at the same time, he’s sure that it’s not the kind of feeling he should be having for someone like Yuta—after all, relationships in any form aren’t supposed to be some form of achievement—but logic seems irrelevant to his heart at the moment.

The kiss made him feel like a goddamn winner—and he couldn’t stop himself from wanting more.

As though even fate is giving in to him, Yuta texts him not long after he wakes up.

*

The pet store in Apgujeong is owned by an acquaintance of Yuta’s friend who already has the cat cage ready for him by the time he steps in, with all the necessary accessories as well.

“Thank goodness you called me earlier today, I was about to arrange a delivery to the cafe,” the shop owner, whom Yuta only addresses as Park, says.

“My friend here offered to help me pick it up,” Yuta replies coyly, pointing at Jaehyun and seemingly eyeing Park carefully for an unknown reason.

Jaehyun acknowledges Park the shopkeeper with a tiny nod and scans around the store to look at the puppies on sale and then getting himself shortly attached to a really adorable five-month old samoyed pup. It reminds him of his plan to surprise his grandfather with a new puppy as a company for his old but loyal retriever called Daekang for his 70th birthday, something which used to be on top of his to-do list until work became overwhelming. He contemplates for a while to put an order right away since his grandfather’s birthday is fast approaching—because while his grandfather would definitely appreciate a new companion, he unfortunately scorns at the commercial pet business—when Yuta pokes his elbow.

“Are you considering buying one?”

“Kind of,” Jaehyun says, “but only because I don’t know if I can find a husky puppy in a pet shelter to be adopted by the time my grandfather’s birthday comes around. Daekang was a gift from an old friend.”

“Oh,” Yuta answers, “right, I remember.” They once talked about this before, with Yuta throwing out a suggestion for Jaehyun to visit this very shop, except he seemed really apprehensive when Jaehyun invited him along.

“We aren’t close,” he said at that time, referring to Park. “It might be awkward.”

Jaehyun explained that he didn’t think the relationship of Yuta with any shop owner mattered but he didn’t press further because Yuta had seemed uncomfortable at the thought of having to elaborate, so he couldn’t believe that it was a stray cat who managed to change his mind.

“Does the kitten have a name?” Jaehyun asks as they carry the cage to the car.

“Not really. Eunbi didn’t tell me his name.” Eunbi is the part-timer Jaehyun saw on Friday, who is currently housing the stray cat in question.

“Then what do you have in mind, in case he doesn’t have a name yet?”

“I have a little dog named _Rapunzel_ at home in Osaka, so maybe the kitty can be _Flynn_?” Yuta says blankly, like he hasn’t just said the most adorable thing Jaehyun has ever heard.

*

Yuta takes the liberty to be the car DJ again while Jaehyun drives from Apgujeong to Yeouido to the cafe, this time playing a song from Alicia Keys.

“Oh, this is such a surprise?” Jaehyun asks. He has been expecting more anime music, which he isn’t totally opposed to.

Yuta has such a lovable grin on his face that Jaehyun finds himself smiling widely in response.

“To thank you.”

“Thank me for?”

“For today. I mean, you really didn’t have to do all of _these._ ”

Yuta’s referring to the text he sent to Jaehyun this morning, asking if he fancied going back to the cafe on Sunday because he wanted to set up a place for his kitten to hang out at the cafe. Jaehyun’s initial reaction was to ask _what kitten?_ and Yuta explained that Eunbi found an abandoned kitten a few days ago and took him back to her home, but her roommate had an allergic reaction and asked Yuta if he could take him instead, so Yuta decided to keep him in the cafe. “Might be good for business to add a cat inside,” he was saying, even though Jaehyun teased him by saying that _Yuta_ alone has been good enough for the business.

Initially, Yuta asked Jaehyun to go to the cafe while he called for the shop to send the cage over, but Jaehyun offered to drive him there to pick it up. He said it was because he had nothing much to do on a lazy Sunday but in reality he just wanted to see him a little longer.

Jaehyun’s hand moved across the handbrake to touch Yuta’s thumb. “Do you mind if I consider this a date?”

Yuta doesn’t move to clasp his hand, but he shifts his hand so that it looks as though he’s trying to make it easier for Jaehyun to hold it. “It’s still early, so it’s hardly a date. If you really want to call it as such, would you stay a little longer and go somewhere…”

Jaehyun wraps his fingers around Yuta’s hand and closes it into a fist.

“Yes, I would like to. You get to pick the place this time.”

Jaehyun steals a glance at him at the traffic light and Yuta’s looking away from him.

In the background, _If I Ain’t Got You_ fades.

*

They end up going back to the spot along the Hangang River where they watched the sunset the day before.

“You really like this spot, don’t you?” Jaehyun asks, trying to mask the awkwardness currently tying a knot inside his stomach as he forcibly stops his mind from remembering their clumsy first attempt at kissing.

Well, actually— _his_ first attempt at kissing Yuta.

“Yes, I do,” Yuta exclaims, stretching his arms to his sides like he’s trying to absorb the air around him. “I also like that you chose to kiss me here.”

Jaehyun winces. “Ah. Sorry about that.” It suddenly strikes him just how lucky he is that Yuta actually fancies him that way, because in an alternative outcome, he would have not just lost his chances, but lost a precious friendship as well.

Yuta flashes him a wide smile and turns his body to face him.

“Wanna try again?”

Jaehyun thinks he must have heard him wrong. “What?”

Yuta’s hands seem to be shaking as he tugs at Jaehyun’s belt. “It was supposed to be romantic.”

Jaehyun takes a deep breath and raises his hand to touch Yuta’s cheeks with his knuckles in a gesture to reassure him.

“I really shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“It was on me, I should have told you first before I did that.”

“No, I mean—”

“Yeah?”

Yuta leans in and speaks in the softest voice Jaehyun has ever heard. “I’ve always wanted a sunset kiss.”

Jaehyun pulls him into an embrace, heart swelling with ten different kinds of endearment.

“Would you like a kiss in the snow as well?”

“Yes,” Yuta says, nudging his forehead against Jaehyun’s collar. “Very much.”

“What about a kiss in the pouring rain?”

“Yes.”

“What about under a tree during cherry blossom season?”

“Yes.”

“Under a waterfall, in the hot-air balloon—”

“Yes, yes.” Yuta tightens his hold.

Jaehyun nuzzles against Yuta’s head and strokes his back.

*

Changbin, according to most of Jaehyun’s colleagues of all positions, was rumoured to have started being hostile towards Jaehyun around the time a few years ago when a contract female employee named Minji joined and inadvertently made her “crush” on Jaehyun some source of daily office gossip. It was said that Jaehyun’s obvious disinterest in her aggravated Changbin’s resentment, because he had deemed it extremely disrespectful to not even bother acknowledging Minji’s interest in him.

In reality, as Yeonhee would later discover, Minji didn’t really have a crush of any sort towards Jaehyun. It just so happened that Jaehyun strongly resembled her ex-boyfriend and she was having a hard time concentrating at work in his presence while also preparing for her wedding (with another man who definitely didn’t look like Jaehyun) at the same time. Minji’s contract was only 6 months, but it was enough to drive a deeper wedge between Changbin and Jaehyun, who were already professionally incompatible (as fate would have it, they are both the Dominant types who often have clashing priorities and different guiding principles) and no matter what the gossips said, it really wasn’t because Changbin had a crush on Minji.

It was because—in Changbin’s own words—Jaehyun had it all in the easiest way possible.

For the longest time after that, Jaehyun tried not getting affected by Changbin’s belligerent antagonism. While Changbin was savvy enough to lavish Jaehyun with some occasional praise and words of affirmation as a fellow colleague during formal events and meetings, he was also careful to inject just a little slight subtle condescension that he dressed as meaningless offers of support. Implying that his team would definitely help Jaehyun whenever he needed, letting him know that his team had more experience in handling this issue or that and he could seek their assistance or advise if required, or expressing his admiration in Jaehyun’s courage in doing something that challenges the status quo—it was all to prop himself up as the better and more visible leader material.

Then the Employee Exchange happened and John Suh, bringing with him the network to the Global Leadership Executive team, all but inadvertently ensured that Jaehyun’s edge came out clear as sky:

Changbin might have the local influence, but Jaehyun showed potential meant for global reach.

Since then, Jaehyun realised that his barely-there engagement with Changbin’s passive aggression served as both an evidence of his tenacity and respectfulness plus proving to be crucial in winning him the visibility and pushed him up a few notches towards opportunities for international assignments.

Under other circumstances, Jaehyun felt like he could have gotten along with Changbin and their similar drive could have harmonised their professional synergy despite the differences, but it is now obvious to him that Changbin represented what people had chosen to see in him even if the fact is that he had definitely and absolutely worked hard for everything he has obtained.

And he had worked so hard that his body has started crumbling right before Yuta picked him up a few days ago and started pampering him and just thinking about Yuta figuratively serving as his knight in shining armour, rescuing him from the swamp of suffocating grapevine makes Jaehyun weak in the knees.

*

The sun takes his own sweet time to go down, so Jaehyun only breaks the embrace when the sun falls to his eye level.

The tip of his finger travels from Yuta’s temple to the side of his face, then Jaehyun bends as he tilts Yuta’s chin upwards and kisses him slowly.

*

_See_ , Jaehyun hears in Changbin’s voice. _You have it all easy._

_Things always come to you even if you don’t deserve them._

*

Yuta breaks the kiss softly as his hands move massage Jaehyun’s neck gently.

“You have me,” he whispers.

Jaehyun doesn’t want to stop kissing him, so he presses their lips again. “I have you,” he repeats under his breath.

“You do,” Yuta murmurs. “You have me.”

Jaehyun feels like he has just melted.

*

He barely gets any sleep on Sunday night, yet waking up on this very Monday morning is the easiest thing he has ever needed to do.

Everything happens just like he has been dreaming about: reaching Cafe Jaq & Gus just a little bit earlier than usual so that he gets to drink the first cup of coffee Yuta brews for the day; talking to Yuta and complaining about having to start working instead of staying in the cafe; watching him brew another cup of coffee for him to bring back to the office just in case; stealing a chance to squeeze his hand just before leaving towards the office and Yuta reminding him that the kitten would be arriving around noon time so remember to stop by.

Work can kill him, Jaehyun thinks, but he has Yuta now.

*

Jaehyun returns to an office filled with foreboding gloom.

Regardless of the extraordinarily long and eventful weekend, Jaehyun has only been away from work for a few hours—surely not long enough to drown the entire floor in some form of trepidation? Everyone seems to be wearing expressions of uncertainty when they look at him, causing Jaehyun to temporarily wonder if he has suddenly become a translucent apparition.

He responds towards the suspiciously cold reception with similarly reluctant greetings while fighting the dread creeping on him as Microsoft Outlook loads. He would usually advise his colleagues to not overthink in cases of work-related stress (“At the end of the day,” he used to say, “as long as you did your best, nobody can hold it against you.”) but he’s finding it difficult to follow his own preachings. Taking a sip of fresh coffee, he tries adjusting his expectations into either anticipating a ridiculous volume of emails, any of his bosses expressing disappointments in him, calendar invites to “discussions”, anyone in his team emailing their resignation—

—then his inbox loads and there’s hardly anything.

There are system notifications, newsletters and some unrelated emails just for his information, and then, _nothing else_. On any normal day, this would have been a sign of relief, but it hits a little different now knowing that he _should be_ bombarded with emails asking for action plans and explanations and confidential emails with sensitive issues.

He puts down the paper cup as his head starts hurting again.

He gets it now—he’s going to be made _inconsequential._

*

He tells Yuta that he needs to go to the gym to work out the bloating in his stomach so he won’t be going to the cafe after work. _Thanks to weeks of irregular meals and then two whole days of binging,_ he teases.

 _Good that things seem ok now._ Yuta writes back. _Sounds like you might finally be able to go back to your original work schedule after all!_

Jaehyun gives him a grinning emoji in response.

 _By the way,_ Yuta asks a few minutes later with a picture of an extremely cute kitten. _This is Flynn-chan and he’s waiting for you._

*

It feels weird to be receiving a text from Yuta telling him that he’s done for the day while he’s pretending to still be at the gym when in fact he has been drinking with a former colleague in Hongdae.

It doesn’t feel right lying to Yuta, it really doesn’t.

Jaehyun doesn’t know how to name the lurching sensation in his stomach that has him gulping as he types his response back to him, but he knows it’s not supposed to be _guilty._

He’s _sure_ of it.

*

Jaehyun doesn’t sleep on Monday night, because for some reason preparing for a life-changing decision is a great motivator to stay up.

He sends a text to Yuta saying that he wouldn’t be dropping by the next morning but he feels great, so don’t worry about his coffee and please keep sending him Flynn-chan’s pictures.

Something in his gut tells him it’s going to take less than 24 hours before his pretenses of normalcy in spite of the discernible avoidance starts falling apart.

*

His gut feelings got it right, because Yuta notices it the very next day.

 _Hey_ , he writes in a text on Tuesday night, unprompted. _I know you’re busy. But if you’re having a hard time at work, would you tell me?_

Jaehyun doesn’t know what he could say that would assuage Yuta’s apparent worries—in fact he doesn’t know if he would want Yuta’s worries assuaged at all.

He can’t bring himself to see him right now even if he wants to.

He really wants to. He really does.

But he can’t.

 _I will_ , he replies briefly.

*

On Wednesday morning, Jaehyun finally does it.

He sends in his one-month notice.

Doyoung, the ex-colleague who has been his recent companion, congratulates him, except Jaehyun feels like he’s falling into a dark abyss of failure.

*

Yuta clearly doesn’t know how to react when Jaehyun breaks the news to him via text.

 _It’s fine_ , Jaehyun says.

Even _he_ doesn’t know what he should feel either—only that he has no other choice.

*

Jaehyun likes to think of Doyoung as his key, because not only that he was how Jaehyun realised that he also liked men, he also gave Jaehyun the most useful advice in his career.

“Loyalty is only as worth as much as the value of the heart you’re giving it to,” Doyoung had said as part of his farewell speech on their last day as fellow colleagues some few years back. It was one of the boldest things Jaehyun has ever heard anyone say—granted, Doyoung only said it because of the rather intimate nature of the farewell dinner they held for him (out of the 5 attendees, Jaehyun is the only one remaining in the organisation), but it was still one of the most illuminating things anyone has ever told him.

To this day, Jaehyun’s colleagues would recall the corporate tragedy that was the job centralisation that took place for the shared services team that affected the entire business unit one floor below Jaehyun’s and the disastrous aftermath with dread. The turbulent 6-month period that followed the announcement had Jaehyun watch Doyoung at his worst and best: worst when he had to endure his employees acting as though he was part of the decision-making process (Jaehyun had learned to be frank in this aspect with his own team, even if it was pretty much admitting that he, as their boss, has less say in the organisation’s policy than he would like to) and Doyoung frequently having to seek out Jaehyun for a drink or two when the pressure almost pulled him apart (“How was I supposed to force them to perform the training and knowledge transfer as though it’s a normal requirement when they are literally losing their jobs the month after?” Doyoung said as he spilled out his grievances within the safety net of the bar in Hongdae); and best when he saw Doyoung bidding farewell to his (now former) employees one by one with almost all of them expressing explicit gratitude in his patience and wisdom.

People around Jaehyun would regard the story cautiously—despite the fact that there’s hardly any possible way to prevent any organisation from deeming your employment absolutely unnecessary—and make apparently “light-hearted” jokes about their jobs being taken away, so why bother with doing well and producing results.

“The funny thing is that,” Jaehyun says on Thursday night, twirling his glass of margarita, “they are right.”

And Doyoung was absolutely right—if loyalty is only worth as much as the heart you’re giving it to, then the corporations who refused to be legally defined in terms of human entities shouldn’t be able to demand any form of devotion from its employees.

It reminded him of something Yuta once said that Jaehyun couldn’t recall completely, but it was a little about how there’s nothing wrong with forming attachments, because he’s a proud owner of so many of them.

“You don’t get to choose to completely surround yourself with things you love,” is what Jaehyun thinks Yuta said. “I think people might have gotten it wrong. You just have to learn to love things around you, even if you didn’t think you could.”

It’s so weird to have such two of the closest people to him holding such starkly opposing views—and yet he has a sneaking feeling that Doyoung and Yuta would get along really well.

Come to think of it, Yuta does remind him of this college friend of his that Doyoung used to date, who had, similarly to Yuta, loved anime and had a penchant for great coffees. It took Doyoung a few months to be sure enough of his feelings to start dating her because he had thought she was Jaehyun’s type and Jaehyun had to give him a great nudge in the right direction by telling him that she wasn’t his type by a long mile (otherwise he would have dated her himself). Doyoung did end up dating her for quite a while and it’s suddenly making Jaehyun’s stomach curl imagining Doyoung and Yuta together, especially because Jaehyun knew that Doyoung would be weak against Yuta’s lovely wide smile and his beautiful eyes and his soft, melodic voice—

“Hey, is everything ok?” Doyoung taps him on the shoulder. “You look out of it.”

—and it hits him that he really misses _talking_ to Yuta. He really, really does miss talking to him, having conversations with him, discussing things with him.

Just talking about random things and maybe throwing in some introspection or two; just commenting about whatever news of the day and discussing about the way history has shaped the present; just looking at his beautiful face as he speaks, admiring his way with words in his second language; just back to being naturally at ease with him.

He misses him so much that he feels like the worst person in the world for avoiding him—so when his Apple watch vibrates at exactly 11.30pm, he knows exactly what to do.

*

Jaehyun insists that he’s sober, but Yuta doesn’t seem to believe him.

In fact, Yuta doesn’t seem to believe that he’s there in person, panting breathlessly after rushing all the way back to Yeouido from the bar in Hongdae where he was drinking at with Doyoung.

“Would you like some hot tea?” Yuta asks softly, both hands perching on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

Jaehyun shakes his head and raises his hands to hold Yuta’s wrists, breathing even harder as he attempts to untangle the waves of emotions clutching on him, locking his words inside his throat and freezing his feet on the spot he’s standing. He feels like those intangible things that got him to gather up his courage to see Yuta are currently weighing him down to the ground and he can’t seem to be able to find a space to breathe.

Yuta’s expression slowly changes from shock to confusion to something less describable and Jaehyun clings to him wordlessly.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me again,” he says, gradually lowering his head and Jaehyun knows that the only reason he’s not able to fully feel the impact of the most selfish thing Yuta has ever said to him is because his heart is still fighting to carry the load of his own feelings.

Yuta leans forward and Jaehyun wills his hand to cup Yuta’s cheeks and bends to meet his eyes.

“You thought wrong,” he finally says, then moves his thumb to brush Yuta’s lips and steels himself as Yuta’s lips find his.

*

Doyoung grabbed him as he took his coat from the seat.

“Are you really ok?”

Jaehyun sighed as he took a thorough look at Doyoung, a painful realisation washing over him that this was a figurative representation of his internal conflicts.

“I’m not,” he admitted. Doyoung shot him a look of deep disapproval as he tightened his hold, and Jaehyun knew he deserved this for hiding his troubles for this long.

He deserved this slump and this sudden roadblock in his career for having abandoning his aspirations in exchange for comfort; he deserved this anxiety for being so ill-prepared for changes; he deserved this turmoil in his romantic life for shutting people off his life; he has deserved everything that came his way.

But Yuta doesn’t.

He exhaled to relax his muscles and pulled Doyoung close to give him a quick hug.

“Thank you, hyung, you helped a lot.”

Doyoung patted his back hesitantly. “Where are you going now?”

The question wasn’t literal and Jaehyun didn’t know how to quite accurately answer it, but he had a direction now.

“To a heart that has been valuing my loyalty.”

*

They are inside the cafe now that the sky suddenly decides to pour heavily at midnight. Yuta wants to turn on some lights, but Jaehyun is fine with darkness even if his mind still badly needs to be untangled.

The words still won’t form, his body still wavering—and yet, in this familiar but enclosed dark space, it feels like he’s been allowed some room to take a slow, deep breath.

Yuta slips his arms around his neck to continue where they left off before the rain hit and Jaehyun lifts him up and lowers him down to the counter. Yuta’s gasp stops Jaehyun in his track and when he meets Yuta’s eyes, he notices that the look of doubt has been replaced with the face of a desperate man.

“It’s going to be too late to go home by the time the rain stops,” Yuta says, as though he has a request in mind that he doesn’t know how to ask for.

“It’s already very late now,” Jaehyun teases him as he rubs their foreheads together, prodding him into continuing his line of questioning. He likes when Yuta does this; the way he slowly coaxes an answer that Jaehyun would willingly give anyway, because he gets to hear the way Yuta’s voice goes progressively softer until it becomes the sound of a fluttering feather.

“And nobody’s around.”

“Yes, nobody’s around,” Jaehyun echoes him, smiling in a way that he hopes convey his willingness to do anything he wants.

“The streets are quiet.”

“Very quiet.”

“So unbearably quiet,” Yuta says, the hand on Jaehyun’s chest slowly dropping.

“Almost like,” Jaehyun adds, “we can do anything here.”

Yet, Yuta doesn’t say or do anything in return. It’s a disconcerting contrast to his earlier fervour when he was showering him with kisses and holding him tenderly and looking at him like he just hung the moon for him, picked the most beautiful star and put it in his hand.

Jaehyun finally knows why when Yuta looks at him with his eyes involuntarily quivering, because it’s something that he has refused to accept until he’s being made to confront it—it’s because his silence has been hurting the only person he hasn’t meant to harm.

He lets go of Yuta’s hand to brush his hair gently with his thumb and watches his chest move with his gradually steadying breaths.

He imagines that it must have been hard on Yuta as much as it has been hard on him: a friend whom he cares about appearing sporadically with patchy moods; seeing him so infrequently and having to deal with his worrying texts; then having to deal with sudden romantic advances before vanishing into thin air—

“I’m sorry,” he says, putting a distance between them. “You don’t deserve this.”

Yuta’s so stunned that he doesn’t realise that there are tears streaming down his face and doesn’t move as Jaehyun wipes them with his knuckles.

“You deserve better than me, you really do.”

Yuta’s sobs strangles his voice, so his response comes out in struggling stammers.

“You...don’t,” he says and Jaehyun is determined to listen to him patiently, “mean that.”

Jaehyun’s head drops. “I mean it. I fully mean it. I shouldn’t have kissed you, I shouldn’t have taken you out, I shouldn’t have burdened you with my problems, I shouldn’t have imposed my feelings on you. I shouldn’t have—”

“Stop.”

“Please listen—I’m sorry.”

“Please stop,” Yuta regurgitates, his tears still flowing vehemently.

“I’ll understand if you hate me—”

“STOP.”

It’s the harshest tone Jaehyun has ever heard him speak in, just in time for the thunder to roar and startling Yuta into grabbing the front of his shirt and Jaehyun holds him immediately.

Then the echo of the thunder dissipates, leaving them with just the sound of the heavy rainfall to calm their messy, chaotic thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun repeats. “And I really mean it.”

Yuta buries his face deep into Jaehyun’s neck and says the most heartbreaking thing Jaehyun has ever heard.

“Please don’t go.”

*

Yuta has never been fond of talking about his past romantic entanglements and Jaehyun has never forced him into it, but there was this encounter a few months ago that shook him so badly that Jaehyun caught him staring indistinctly into space while making tea for him.

“It’s going to spill,” Jaehyun told him in an attempt to snap him back into reality.

Yuta jumped up immediately and scalded his palm slightly with hot water. Jaehyun sniggered as he watched him soothe his palm with running water at the sink.

“Did you run into your ex or something,” Jaehyun said to lighten the mood, but Yuta shot him an uncharacteristic frown and Jaehyun looked down apologetically.

“Not an ex,” Yuta clarified.

Thankfully, it was just a minor burn and Yuta’s palm was back to normal after a few more seconds in the running water. Jaehyun tried to think of something he could talk to distract Yuta from whatever was bothering him, but Yuta broke the tension.

“You ever think about what could have happened if you were good at something you’re currently bad at?”

Jaehyun wanted to use the more socially acceptable answer and say that yes, there indeed was something that he was bad at, and that was basketball (a lie), but he chose to be honest with Yuta.

“Not really.”

“I thought so. You seem to be the kind of person who is just naturally good at everything.”

Jaehyun shrugged to hide his flusteredness. “You too. I can’t imagine that there’s something you’re bad at.”

“I’ve been told I’m bad at reading the atmosphere,” Yuta answered.

“You’re currently managing a cafe, I don’t think you’ll be able to do it if you’re bad at that.”

“You know what I mean,” Yuta said in a resigned tone. “I can never tell if someone liked me.”

“In what way?”

“In _that_ way.”

“I see,” Jaehyun says knowingly, at a loss of what else to say. It wasn’t the kind of situation where his words would be helpful in any way, because Yuta clearly seemed to have a pretty good grasp of his own troubles and Jaehyun trusted that he would overcome it soon, but the main reason he reserved his thoughts was really because there was a chance that he might have given his own real thoughts away.

“So you probably could have guessed by now,” Yuta said, shooting a sudden concentrated focus on the tea he had finished brewing.

It had seemed odd to Jaehyun that Yuta was leaving his words hanging on a topic he obviously didn’t want to drop, so Jaehyun did what he does best.

“You know,” he said as he moved to pull the mug of freshly brewed tea towards himself, “sometimes things are supposed to work out exactly as they did. Even if you did pick up the signs of whatever you were supposed to be capable of reading at that time, it wouldn’t have guaranteed the outcome.”

Yuta glanced at him with a look of coy realisation. “You’re kind of right.”

“Glad to have helped you out.”

“Do you believe in second chances?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun answered. “Except I hardly ever wanted it.”

“Not even with your ex-fiancée?”

“She didn’t want any.”

“Were you that bad of a fiancée,” Yuta scoffed.

Jaehyun hesitated for a while before replying. “I suppose?”

Yuta’s mood seemed to have lightened up, so Jaehyun teased him.

“There you go, you found something I’m bad at.”

“That’s not what this is all about though?”

“But you and I both, we went through lost chances,” Jaehyun concluded and held his mug high up above his shoulder. “We should toast to it.”

Yuta laughed heartily as he went along with Jaehyun and toasted on their similar lack of luck in the romantic department and this very moment is coming up in Jaehyun’s mind right now because he’s starting to rationalise everything that has happened leading up to this request from Yuta: the way he seemed to take extra effort in making sure that Jaehyun’s coffee needs were always fulfilled; the way he made sure to hardly indulge himself in flirtations unless Jaehyun initiated it; the way he waited for Jaehyun to start wanting before he dared to even ask.

The way he always seemed to be holding himself back even when Jaehyun has been pushing for more—

“Would you hear what I have to say?” Yuta says decisively like he finally knows what he wants.

—because the only thing Yuta needs is the only thing Jaehyun didn’t give:

Clarity.

*

Before Yuta got out of Jaehyun’s car on Sunday night after their dinner together to go back to his apartment, he told Jaehyun that his apartment wasn’t in good condition to host visitors. This sudden, random information dump both surprised and mystified Jaehyun.

“Why? Does it have like,” Jaehyun paused to think of a punchline, only he couldn’t come up with any, “piles of unorganised stuff? Clothes all over? Books or magazines?”

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Yuta said, this time making no effort to hide his embarrassment. “And I happened to be, uhm, not a very tidy person in private.”

“And you’re saying this because?” Jaehyun asked, hoping to get him to tell him that he wished for a chance for him to stay the night at least.

Yuta looked at him with a face that said that he was fully aware of the implications of the invitation, but continued on anyway as though he was admonishing him for having his mind in the gutter.

“In case you would like a place to relax during the weekend to relieve the stress, you know?”

It was such an innocent reason that Jaehyun knew immediately to take a step back and not overstep his boundaries, so he smiled lightly and took Yuta’s hand and planted a light kiss on the back of his palm.

“Thank you.”

Yuta’s other hand grabbed his pants tight nervously. “One day I hope you’ll stop saying that.”

Jaehyun was reminded of the conversation on Friday night after he woke up from the nap and Yuta had told him about his selfish intentions.

“For now, would you accept it?”

“Accept what?”

“My gratitude.”

Yuta didn’t answer and his expression was inscrutable—it was like there was nothing more he welcomed less than Jaehyun thinking he _owed_ him.

*

Yuta’s hand slips inside Jaehyun’s collar and turns his head gently so that their eyes are firmly locked.

“Truth is,” his voice smoothens as his heartbeat slows down, “I’ve always looked up to you.”

Jaehyun finds himself murmuring as a soft nudge for him to continue.

“I don’t know when it happened but some time after you started coming I thought that there was something really genuine on your face when you read on your tablet. I thought it was just me, you know, thinking you’re attractive when you read—”

“What,” Jaehyun chuckles in disbelief.

“—stop teasing,” Yuta taps him lightly. “You are, alright? And it’s not just me, you see? You wouldn’t believe how many ladies were sitting around discussing Executive Jung’s secret love life or whatnot. And I thought that kinda entered my subconscious as well, because I started wondering if you do have someone in your mind and if a guy, or even, just a guy like me would ever stand a chance with you…”

Hearing that, a sudden surge of affection swells up in Jaehyun’s chest.

“You had a crush on me,” Jaehyun says, pressing his palm on Yuta’s cheeks to feel the heat rushing to his face, “that’s so unexpectedly adorable of you.”

“Yes I did. I thought I wouldn’t be able to talk to you ever until I found a chance, and then you became a friend and then…”

Yuta leans into Jaehyun’s hand and sighs.

“And then I thought I really admired you, and the way you think, and the way you look at me when you talk and I thought it’s just natural for people to be drawn to you and when you weren’t around much I thought a lot about how it must feel like to be around you…”

Jaehyun doesn’t know what he should be feeling yet, only that he wants to kiss him very badly.

“For a while I thought I knew how it feels to be special, and that’s why—”

Yuta leans forward into Jaehyun’s chest to drop his forehead on him.

“—I got desperate, I think.”

Jaehyun cradles the back of his head gently, feeling his own blood rushing to his head.

“What I want to say is that—”

_You once said you think you’re bad at reading the signs._

“—I know you’re having a hard time right now, so you don’t have to think about me, or my feelings—”

_But I think you just didn’t want to see them._

“—not now, not later, not even after things get better for you.”

_I hope you know that some things don’t change whether or not you know they exist._

“You’re your own priority, you don’t have to worry about me.”

_Because to me, from the moment I met you—_

“Nothing will change the fact that you’re my ideal.”

_—it was love at first sight._

*

John immediately texted Jaehyun when he heard about Jaehyun quitting.

 _You have to be shitting me_ , he wrote. _You got poached, didn’t you?_

Jaehyun typed his reply steadily. _Nope. I’ll be unemployed after this._

The furious stream of follow up texts was exactly what Jaehyun had expected would be his reaction to the exposition.

_the hell?_

_that was so ballsy????_

_but wtf._

_dude you’re leaving a job without the next one lined up? not even an interview?_

_in this fucking economy?_

Jaehyun almost wished John was here talking to him because those were all exactly the kind of questions he was discussing with Doyoung before actually handing him his resignation letter. He organised his answers:

_Thought I’d benefit from a short break, since my savings can last me a while. Then I’ll look for a job after I get some holidays._

John didn’t seem perplexed as much as he was worried. _Then, you should come over to New York for a visit, if the budget allows. I’ll take you to Chicago, all expenses on me._

He really appreciated John’s offer, especially when it came unprompted like that, so he took a deep breath and typed.

_You mind if I tell you something else?_

*

Jaehyun gives Yuta a kiss as light as a feather once he’s done with what he has been wanting to say, hoping to put him back together.

“You know, I’ve always thought of being like this with you,” he whispers into his ear. “Holding you like this, kissing you because I wanted to—”

“You wanted to?”

“Yes. I wanted to kiss you. Do more than kiss you, if you are ok with that.”

“You’ve always wanted to kiss me?”

Jaehyun rubs their noses together. “Yes. I’ve thought a lot about your beautiful heart-shaped lips.”

Yuta pauses in disbelief.

“You really did?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Since when?”

“From the beginning.”

“From the beginning?” Yuta says, fresh tears begin welling in his eyes all over again. This time, Jaehyun’s thumb wipes them away affectionately.

 _See, I’ve one-upped you_. “From the very first time I saw your face.”

“That was so long ago.”

 _Not entirely, but if you think so_. “That was quite some time ago, yes. So I’m not going to make you wait any longer.”

Jaehyun finds himself so lost in Yuta’s eyes that it temporarily deafens him; he can’t hear the deafening thunder roaring, he can’t hear the downpour outside, he can’t hear the cars speeding by.

He takes Yuta’s hand and place it squarely on his chest. “It doesn’t matter what you feel or when you started feeling it—I want all of it. I want all of you, I want you to want all of me, I want us to have a kiss in the rain, in the snow, under the falling cherry blossoms—everywhere around the world, every season, every weather.”

All that matters right now is the sound of Yuta taking slow breaths as he comes to an understanding, waiting while Jaehyun gets himself ready.

“Since it’s raining now,” he announces, “so let’s do this, let’s go out there and kiss for as long as we want?”

Yuta takes a small gasp as though he just realised what Jaehyun has just asked.

“We are going to get soaked.”

Jaehyun nods, then bends down and grabs his hand to drag him outside the cafe, to stand right in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the heavily falling rain.

“I know,” he yells, “and I don’t care.” He takes a deep breath then kisses him as hard as he wanted to, letting the rain wash away his worries and his emotional baggages and all the facts that were supposed to weigh him down like the fact that he has less than 5 hours left to sleep before he’s supposed to come back to the office; like the fact that his irregular sleeping schedule and getting himself drenched would definitely get him sick sooner or later; like the fact that he shouldn’t be thinking about getting committed to a new relationship when his career has a fast approaching expiration date; like the fact that he has so much to live up to right now—so very much to live up to.

And this time he knows that Yuta waited for him, would keep waiting for him and for the first time in his life, someone has seen him in his worst and still thinks the best of him.

*

John said it with an intention to be humourous, but Jaehyun knew he probably wasn’t joking.

_You shall now pay for your own expenses when you get here. How dare you._

Jaehyun replied in kind.

_Isn’t it crazy?_

John sent him a laughing emoji. _I suppose._

Sometimes Jaehyun thinks of John teasing about taking another international assignment in Seoul and wonders if he would be the one who ended up with Yuta, because John is nothing if not charmingly determined.

 _Treasure him, you ass_ , was John’s last text sent to him the day before.

Jaehyun has yet to reply to him, but as the downpour lightens up to a drizzle and he finally let himself breath, he makes a mental note to send a response back to John.

_You bet I will._

*

Flynn-chan the cat meows when Jaehyun puts him down back into the cat cage as he prepares to finish his coffee and brace one of the last 3 Fridays left in his current job.

“I think he’s growing attached to you,” Yuta says.

“Good,” Jaehyun replies. “It’s good that we start off nicely. He’s going to be seeing me a lot.”

The time is 8.30am and the elevator is definitely packed, but judging from the crowd in the cafe, it looks like the winter has arrived earlier than expected with so many of the corporate workers sneaking some fresh hot coffee before heading to their respective positions. Jaehyun finds himself strangely relaxed in his disconnection from the anxious crowd, because it’s when his mind starts slowing down that he notices the unnecessary urgency in the way people move and he starts wondering if this is how Yuta used to see him.

He gives Flynn-chan a soft pat on the head, sneaks a brief look at Yuta before heading to the door and waits for Yuta’s magical smile.

It still is nothing particularly profound, but knowing that his smile is now more than just encouraging him to brace the harsh day ahead makes him feel like everything he has worked so far—

All the blood, sweat, tears—

All the all-nighters he had pulled, all the gruelling hours he put into his work, all the gossips and the murmurs behind his back—

And now, the way he’s officially another cautionary tale of an Executive who got too confident in his abilities and accidentally overlooked one crucial thing, the way he’ll be remembered as the one who resigned in the middle of an internal audit before he’ll be remembered for his legacies in corporate innovation, the way he’ll be yet another rival of Changbin’s who has given up—

The way everything, _everything_ , that has happened that has led him to find Yuta—

is all worth it.

*

_Extra_

The soft whirring of the cold snowy breeze wakes him up and he sees Yuta’s leaning against the sliding glassdoor, watching the sky intently. Jaehyun wants to ask if he’s cold because he’s there with the door slightly open and in just his boxers, but the sight stole his breath.

He’s standing right at the point where the two forms of light sources meet; the natural moonlight landing on his face and caressing his pretty features and the electric dim light from the room shining on his back muscles and Jaehyun is in the perfect position to admire the different ways both sources of light flatter him—he has never felt luckier in this life.

“It’s the first snow,” Yuta says with a tiny excitement gleaming from his smile after noticing that Jaehyun’s awake. It’s such a Yuta thing to do, Jaehyun thinks, finding excitement in things Jaehyun has otherwise forgotten to enjoy.

“I haven’t thought about it in a while,” he says. He has been doing a lot of this lately, telling Yuta all the things that have left his mind, things like thinking about the weather, the changing seasons, the fact that he actually unironically liked the Twilight book series (“Only the first one!” he insisted when Yuta looked scandalised), the fact that having someone with him meant more than just having someone he could kiss (he’s waiting for a little longer before telling Yuta, but he really likes the shape of his torso whenever he leans against his chest and the curves of his back), the fact that waking up next to a person he could hold comfortably could give him so much joy.

Being with Yuta is like reliving a first love, and just thinking about him could take him up in the clouds.

Yuta shivers a little from the chill, but his gaze is unyielding as he hands out his palm to presumably collect the snowflakes. “The view from your place is so beautiful.”

Jaehyun pulls himself up from his pillow and settles in a sitting position against the headboard. “Then, would you like to move in?”

Yuta doesn’t look away from his hand, but his eyelids dropped and even the dim lights couldn’t camouflage his reddening cheeks. “That’s so sudden.”

“Would you give it a thought?”

“Would you like me to?”

Jaehyun inhales before pushing his blanket away and starts walking towards Yuta, clasping his cold hands in his before bending a little to breath against his neck to warm him up.

Yuta shivers a little and curls up in his arms.

“It tickles,” he whines and Jaehyun locks him in a swaying embrace against the snowy breeze.

“Of course I’d want you to move in, because when you move in—”

Yuta hushes him up immediately. “No spoilers!”

“—That’s weird. I would have thought that you’d prefer that I’m clear about what I feel about you.”

“I already know what you feel though,” Yuta says, a hint of bashfulness swept across his eyes. “Unless—”

“There’s no _unless_. There’s no _but_. You’re the only one.”

Their bodies are so close that Jaehyun could hear Yuta’s chest drumming.

“Why do you always seem to know what I want to hear,” he sighs.

Jaehyun thinks of all the people that he has seen around Yuta: the lady who was flirting with him in the cafe; Park the pet shop owner who definitely had hots for him; the vague, obscure not-ex whom Yuta definitely had contemplated wanting to be with; John, bless his soul, who has been not-so-subtly inviting Yuta to Chicago; and the way they all have this one core difference with Jaehyun.

“It’s because you wanted to hear me out.”

_I love you so much, I really do._

Yuta pauses for a long time before melting completely.

“I’m cold,” he pleads softly as Jaehyun plants the gentlest kiss on his head.

_And I’ll give you the best of me._

*

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! the scene in the extra is actually the second scene i had in my head after i conceived in idea of a cafe!au, but i couldn't stuff it in the main story, so it's an extra for my personal gratification
> 
> this is taking me longer than i thought ;;;


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